“O Captain, My Captain,” Branden “Stabs” Stabnick is the glorious leader of the 2025 to 2026 Club Team. He takes his leadership position to heart, spending a majority of his time admiring his subjects from the “porcelain throne.” Branden is known for his obsession with cleanliness, often cleaning Sybil before any of his likewise tidy roommates even notice a mess. When he is not mopping the kitchen of Sybil with the grace and gusto of Mrs. Doubtfire in a full cleaning montage, Stabs can be found creating secret weapons for Micronesia.

Hometown: New Baltimore, MI

Major: Electrical Engineering